I was observing some relationships a few days ago and it got me thinking,
as much as I want to have a love life or be with someone, I would NEVER want to have what these teenagers have. And I guess that's why I'll never be in a high school relationship I guess. Or a teenage one. Cuz in all honesty I don't want to be with someone who just makes me laugh, or holds my hand when he feels like it, or all those other superficial parts of a relationship. I don't want just adoration, you know? I want something deeper than that. Something that isn't just about late night phone calls. Or good morning texts. Or kisses by the locker. Or hand holding around the halls.

Those feel so empty.

And I could watch all these teenage couples do that, and I'd never feel jealous. Because that's not what I want.
I don't know what I want exactly, but I know it's not that.

Starting a new book is the second hardest thing in the process
the hardest one is going through the feeling when you're in the middle and enjoying it then you realize that it actually has an end.

How funny is it that "and" is pretty much everything you need to add to a sentence for it to not end, yet it sounds exactly like "end".

Labels: nocturnal thoughts

I'm fake.

Nobody sees it, but I'd rather be alone.
I'd rather be alone.

I'm so tired. Of fake smiles. Of pretending to listen. Of pretending I'm not hurt.
I'm so tired of trying to stand up, when everything inside me is spiraling downwards.

I'm so tired of people.