I'll be honest here. Blogging's been in the bottom of my priority list recently. Things haven't really been...all that great. I used to blog so much when everything felt like shit, but for some reason, I've become a bit of an expert in bottling things up and pretending I'm not hurt at all.
I'm full of apathy nowadays. Apathy for everything else. I pretend to care. I pretend to laugh. Fake smiles, fake conversations. Most of the bottled up angst is self-inflicted. I know it. I'm an emotional rollercoaster. It's a part of being Cancer I guess. Having a flair for drama. Anyway, point is, I stopped caring about other people. Of course, there's always Jacob who I love and care about, but it's all still a bit different. I KNOW I'm drifting apart other people, even people I see every day and talk to every day. I'm like a secret loner.
It's selfish I know. To not care about anything else anymore but my own inner emotions.
But I have every right to be selfish. I've been self-less for so long, and other people hurt me. They hurt me until I forget who I am. And I know I'm hurt now, but I don't care. I'd rather be hurt this way, than have other people who don't deserve my compassion hurt me.
